Bring On the Pain!!!!

Yesterday brought in the first day of what will undoubtedly be a most dreaded, agonizing, and utterly excruciating 3 month-long fitness regime. It's part of the quest to achieve all those "someday, one-day goals" I've been craving all these years. The goal: abs you can grate cheese on, a derriere that makes people go weak at the knees, and oh, almost forgot.....loosing my ever-present love handles and back fat would be nice too. So, I hauled my booty into the gym last night for a weight lifting class led by a woman, who I swear, is our one and only Governator dressed in drag. And as if GI-Jane wasn't intimidating enough, I was drowning in a sea of robotic, sculpted, toned, and bronzed women who must have just come to life from the Nike billboard posted outside. But there I stayed, the new girl in class, wearing some old sweatpants and one of Yoni's oversized T-shirts, motivated to see this thing to the finish. Under the Governatah's hawk-like eyes and commands reminiscent of a Nazi soldier, I squatted, lifted, curled, pressed, and dipped. And, okay, if we're being honest here....also cried, cursed, squealed, moaned, and farted!!!!

With a Little Help From Norah...

In my new sunlit room, there I sat, cross-legged and surrounded by a rainbow of colors and possibility. I had dusted off my old paintbrushes, pried open my bottles of paint (which had inconveniently welded shut from months and months of neglect), and propped up my makeshift, poor-girl's substitute to a canvas (pieces of cardboard paper taped onto an old picture frame). I had the Norah Jones station set on Pandora and I was ready to begin...

But, before I was even able to connect brush to...well, cardboard, my oldest and dearest friends, doubt and insecurity, decided to pop by for a visit. Oh, we're old friends really...have known each other for years! I'm sure you all have friends like them too....you know, the kind that are always dropping by at the most inopportune times, staying for hours to complain and gossip, make a huge mess out of your house, and leave you feeling drained and void of any motivation to live. But you invite them in for coffee and stay friends with them anyways because you have known them since childhood and you are used to having them around. And while they have the ability to make you miserable and keep you from living the life you want, they also make you feel safe and therefore, you love them.

So, like always, doubt and insecurity came a knockin' at my door, (banging, really), shouting for me to come out and play..."SAREET! STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO PAINT, SILLY! YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE THE RIGHT MATERIALS! YOU HAVE NO CLUE ABOUT COLORS OR BRUSH STROKES OR ART!" On and on and on, like two little rats on a laboratory treadmill determined to find the cure for cancer. But, today, unlike all those previous days, I didn't let them in....I didn't offer them coffee, and I didn't pull up a chair and gossip with them. I shut them out, locked the door, and turned up my speakers so that Norah's sweet, syrupy voice could drown out all the commotion....

And, while the outcome may be no masterpiece, maybe nothing special at all, the day I spent with my cardboard paper, dried out paint, and new friend Norah, was....

Good Morning Gorgeous World!!!!

Life always seems to happen to me...papers pile, weight gets gained, friendships fade, hobbies lie dormant, and dreams diminish...And before you know it, the life you are living and the person you are being is not at all how you envisioned it would be. Day after day is met with a resignation that allows me to postpone doing all those things in my "I've always wanted to do, be, have...." category. "There will always be tomorrow," I tell myself. And while this optimistic motto may be reassuring to some, it has filled my life with a monumental amount of unrealized potential. So, I have decided to start this blog as a way to become accountable....accountable to myself, accountable to you, and accountable to the world...

Over the next four months I will aspire to create myself into the person I have always wanted to be...into the person who I know I am inside. I will put into action every thought I have about myself and who I want to be. Through this blog I will experience all aspects of myself that have, as of yet, remained mere thoughts. This endeavor will be all encompassing....from the tantalizingly trivial quest to achieve an ass to die for, to giving of myself through generosity and love, to creating unbreakable bonds with friends and family. I will delve into experiencing my artistic inclinations as well as exploring adventure. I will complete all those methodically mundane tasks that have been left unfinished and have come to define me as an incurable procrastinator. Day by day I will check in...to keep myself on track, to document this journey, and to have a little fun...

"Remember, you are constantly in the act of creating yourself. You are in every moment deciding who and what you are. You decide this largely through the choices you make regarding who and what you feel passionate about." ~Neale Donald Walsch