But, before I was even able to connect brush to...well, cardboard, my oldest and dearest friends, doubt and insecurity, decided to pop by for a visit. Oh, we're old friends really...have known each other for years! I'm sure you all have friends like them too....you know, the kind that are always dropping by at the most inopportune times, staying for hours to complain and gossip, make a huge mess out of your house, and leave you feeling drained and void of any motivation to live. But you invite them in for coffee and stay friends with them anyways because you have known them since childhood and you are used to having them around. And while they have the ability to make you miserable and keep you from living the life you want, they also make you feel safe and therefore, you love them.
So, like always, doubt and insecurity came a knockin' at my door, (banging, really), shouting for me to come out and play..."SAREET! STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO PAINT, SILLY! YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE THE RIGHT MATERIALS! YOU HAVE NO CLUE ABOUT COLORS OR BRUSH STROKES OR ART!" On and on and on, like two little rats on a laboratory treadmill determined to find the cure for cancer. But, today, unlike all those previous days, I didn't let them in....I didn't offer them coffee, and I didn't pull up a chair and gossip with them. I shut them out, locked the door, and turned up my speakers so that Norah's sweet, syrupy voice could drown out all the commotion....
And, while the outcome may be no masterpiece, maybe nothing special at all, the day I spent with my cardboard paper, dried out paint, and new friend Norah, was....
Sareet,
ReplyDeleteThese are beautiful. You are so talented, as a writer and, I'd say, as an artist. I loved reading your posts. With your wonderful way with words, your aesthetic sense, and your honesty, I think you'll create a rich, living, breathing work with your blog.
Terri